i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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