my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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