I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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