And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
