i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
