I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was like eating out sand paper
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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