my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
