I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
