Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize