3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
