That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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