she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
