He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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