at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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