Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
