when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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