i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
