Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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