no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
