I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize