dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
