genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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