Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
