im drinking this country out of the recession.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
