Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
