So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize