Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
