my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
