it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
