god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
