I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
