Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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