Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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