I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
this is an emotional support booty call
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
