but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
as a side note pls kill me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize