Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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