Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
