WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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