you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
