I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
