So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
