Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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