Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize