He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
