dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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