dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
