Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
