my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
