so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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