after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
