tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wear drunk well.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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