Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
