i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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