He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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