I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
