You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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