i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
