I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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