ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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