Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sext me about skeletons
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
