you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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