maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
