I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize