hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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