life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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