there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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