why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
