What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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