It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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