oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
