have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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