how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
