i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
