he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
